Meet Tamera Daun

Tamera, you so eloquently point out in Chapter One (Happiness and You) of your book, "Absolute Bliss" that life is about the journey.
Life can be fascinating instead of a trepidation if you assert, challenge and meet life "head-on and isolate whatever is bothering you". I LOVE that. You also state in the first chapter that your childhood is in the past. That resonated with me so profoundly because many people really tend to hold onto those misfortunes, unable to get past them. I believe the greatest misconception on the planet is that there are folks who get off without having had ANY adversity. It just is not true...and doesn't happen. Everyone has baggage. You then give the reader permission to put down the book and resume once they are ready.

Further on you share that "you can use your whole future to soul search your past" so, what do you say to the person who fears life, its challenges and its path? What do you say as they try to perpetuate that fear onto their children and others at large?

Back in the 1920's the world's most renown physicists gathered at a convention in Europe. The conclusion that came from that convention was the agreement that they could never really know absolute truths. Why? Because, in actuality there was a possibility that everything they observed around them in the physical world was an illusion. Even they as humans, were possibly illusions. In other words, can I prove that another exists, just because I state that I see/observe them? No, because I may also be an illusion. Anyhow. They found out that they could actually never know. They concluded that the only thing they could continue to do was to repeatedly mimic that which they were observing. And, through this repeated experimentation, they could estimate the probability that what they were observing was correct. Or, not. Yet, they could only describe that which they were perceiving.

Why do I mention this? It is important, because when answering questions, I can choose to approach the matters at hand from a choice of several academic perspectives. I can put on my Nurse's cap, and use one set of terminology. I can put on my cap as a Psychiatric Nurse, and use another set of terminology, and draw different conclusions. And so it continues as a Life Coach, a Holistic Coach, a Nutritionist, an Usui Reiki Master/Teacher, and as a Karuna Reiki© Master/Teacher. They are nothing more that sets of theoretical perspectives. In my opinion, there are absolutely no omniscient experts with that one correct answer to any given subject. There are people who specialize in their fields, yet they have chosen a certain academic approach, and these academics are learned, because someone else decided that which was to be taught. And, so it goes, that the approaches are practices, and they become current procedure. This is true, no matter if they work, or not. Regardless if they create results, or not. A major upheaval is needed before traditional institutions will budge.

This is the most important thing people should keep in mind before they seek help with their problems and issues. By this I do not mean that people should not seek help. By this I do mean and want people to understand that they are the masters of themselves. People are experts about themselves. They just don't always realize this fact, or they have forgotten it. If everyone just really considered the impact of this one idea, they would begin to take their lives back into their own hands, and be less vulnerable by not placing themselves into the hands of another. At least, not without careful consideration.

Everyone is more capable and powerful than they believe. What usually happens is that it gets muddled along the way, and through life experiences. Very often it becomes muddled the most when we are younger. Why? Because, we are so vulnerable in those formative years. Yet, personal power is never lost. We just all tend to hide it. It is always there, so there is no reason to feel that one is in desperate search of something that is not missing. It only needs to be uncovered, and exercised. Just as a muscle becomes stronger with exercise. People need to claim their place in their lives, and strengthen their wobbly legs. This initial starting point starts a whole new ball rolling, and it will gain momentum.

My book is for women and their relationships. Marriage therapy today is based upon talk-therapy. Statistically we know that divorce rates are not decreasing. We know that it is usually women who leave their relationships first, and for a variety of reasons. We also know that men are less willing to seek marriage therapy, than women. I feel that it is because this type of therapy appeals more to females, then it does males. When I came out with my book over in Scandinavia and was interviewed in the media, I received several negative reactions. The basic opinion was that I was too little empathetic to the feelings of the female population, and that I was telling them to, "put their feelings aside, and get on with it". Yet, they viewed it from their theoretical perspectives and their practices. I knew it to be entirely untrue, and this is because there was something that they did not know about my background training. There were a few things that I knew to work, and current relationship therapy is not working too well. This training was my Reiki training. So, when the book was written, it was from the knowledge that when we decide for something to happen, it will begin to happen. Any long-term soul searching is not a necessary prerequisite to develop. We decide to become more aware and develop, and the answers to our questions will show up along the way. These answers provide understanding in such a way, that it becomes easier to heal that which once hurt.

In my couples coaching, I received a nice surprise, and that was that of approximately 9 out of every 10 couples contacting me with questions or wanting help, the contact was instigated by the males. I resonated with them. Believe me when I state that the women in these relationships were not UNhappy about it. They were quite ecstatic, because is not a relationship about the preferences of both people? Men were willing when they felt there was someone capable of understanding their perspective, and the ways in which they problem-solved. Talking has its place in every relationship, but we have to be careful not to overplay it if we wish for men to want to become engaged. Why? Because not all men will SEE that things are getting solved. So very many times we stagnate in the talking-mode, repeatedly reliving all that is not healthy, and we forget about where it is that we want to move towards. It is this way in relationships, and it is so for individuals in relationship to themselves.


******************












Continuing our conversation with Author, Tamera Daun!!!








In your book, you discuss how often therapy ends up as an opportunity to focus on the unpleasant and/or the things you can not change, BRAVO!
As parents though, your children come here with pretty much a clean slate until we mess them up ~ What is your best advice on raising well-rounded but not fear-mongered beings?
In my couples coaching, I received a nice surprise, and that was that of approximately 9 out of every 10 couples contacting me with questions or wanting help, the contact was instigated by the males. I resonated with them. Believe me when I state that the women in these relationships were not UNhappy about it. They were quite ecstatic, because is not a relationship about the preferences of both people? Men were willing when they felt there was someone capable of understanding their perspective, and the ways in which they problem-solved. Talking has its place in every relationship, but we have to be careful not to overplay it if we wish for men to want to become engaged. Why? Because not all men will SEE that things are getting solved. So very many times we stagnate in the talking-mode, repeatedly reliving all that is not healthy, and we forget about where it is that we want to move towards. It is this way in relationships, and it is so for individuals in relationship to themselves.

Usui Reiki, through its ancient history, provided for me, a new outlook to this journey we call life. In our modern world, we have become accustomed to the fact that everything must happen so very quickly. If we want for something to happen, and the results do not appear shortly, we become discouraged, and give up. If we are burned by our past, we do not allow ourselves to even try, for what is the use? If everyone closed their eyes for a moment and envisioned themselves at the age of 90 or more, they would realize that they actually have more time than they realize to figure things out. Worry and over-stressing causes the mind and body damage, so we need to be kinder towards ourselves, and our bodies will continue to work for us.

One myth people carry with them, is that there is such a thing as wrong choices. This is in my opinion, an illusion that needs to be released. There are choices, but there are no wrong choices. Each choice leads us on a new path of learning and experience, and even if that learning results in the knowingness of what one does not wish to repeat. Each situation we have experienced throughout our lives has made us who we are, and there are always residing strengths. People must learn to be more thankful of who they have become. And, even thank the people that have hurt them, as they provided a learning experience. However, that does not mean that we should allow this type of hurt to happen time and time again in the future. The learning should also encompass this, and teach us to like ourselves more, so that we do not interact with hurtful people. We can remain open and vulnerable, without being trampled upon.

Another myth people carry is that it will be painful if they dare to move ahead despite their fear. We imagine a lightening bolt will hit us if we should even dare to try. It is the illusion that it will all happen at once, and will be too much to handle. Thus, residing in fear becomes security, just as a child with their blanket. At least it is known. We know our fears. The process does not happen in this way. It is much more kind and caring than we think. Life is also much more kind and enjoyable than we think. It is we that attach ourselves to the hardships. So, if people entertain the thought of something that they would like to try or change, they can then relax. Why? Because your journey forward will take you there, one tiny step at a time. It will not bombard you, causing you to lose your breath. It does not happen all at once. You will not be given more to handle than you can handle. Yet, people must work on their willingness to stretch, and enter the learning lessons that follow. People will also become aware of the small things within themselves that stand in the way of them moving forward, and they will release them when they are willing to release them. This is what we call development, and when a decision is made, we enter a process of awareness. The answers will come, but they may not always appear at the exact time and demands of the individual. What is the old saying? When the student is ready, the teacher will appear?




Fear is not something that is to be overcome. Fear is innately human, that cannot entirely be escaped. Yet, much of our unrealistic fears should be released, and the only thing allowing them to remain is our attachment to them. If we never experienced fear, we would be in danger of extinction as a human race. Fear felt in accordance to realistic dangers lead us to act in order to survive.

After living abroad for 18 years, I saw the United States in a different light. Being American myself, I then learned much about myself. I would like for Americans to be aware of something regarding fear, as it is not all-present in every culture. At least not manifested in the same ways. The United States is a fear-based society, yet it is not the fault of Americans. It is what it is, and it is very much a product of the history of this country. What I mean, is this. The pioneers of this country lived lives of, "survival of the fittest". This country is based upon, "sink or swim". So, it is a matter of history, and we continue to live as though someone were chasing our heels, and even though so very many have more than surplus of the necessities than they actually need. It becomes, "can't have enough, because you never know. Just in case", and the wealthy people feel the same fears. A strange thought, yet if people really managed to wrap their minds around what this really means, they would find it easier to release much of their fear, and much work is then done. When you wrap your mind around it, it is easier to look around at the small things, and remember all the surplus, and be thankful for it. It can then help to practice exchanging those thoughts of disaster with thoughts of appreciation for what one does have, and enjoy it now! Politics, corporations, and the media know how to play on fear in people. I encourage everyone to pull the little rebel out within them, and reject allowing anyone or anything to add to their bags of fear.

People forget to question their fears, and they equip themselves for things that have not yet happened, and may not ever happen. Homes are equipped with hand-weapons, and children learn by example of what they should do to counteract..what? Yes, exactly what? To counteract fear. Fear is only fear, and nothing more. This is how they learn to problem-solve instead of pulling out their residing inner-strength, and consider other solutions. This is just one example, and every culture handles things differently. Did you all know that the police don't carry weapons in Norway? The need is not as strongly felt as it is in this society, because it is not only the police. The general population in Norway is not walking around with weapons either. Can you all see a contradiction that our fears lead us to do? The contradiction is that we wish for the police to protect us, yet we continuously create a more dangerous environment for them to work in. We become more afraid of potential happenings, harm, and death. We forget to love living.

That which is projected upon our children, is only a projection of our inner selves as parents. Nothing can change until parents enter processes of awareness and development. It is just the way it is. As parents, we continue to project until we become aware of that which we are projecting. When we engage in the journey and joy of life, our children learn by example. If we look ahead at the future of our children, and try to envision them as adults, what would we want for our children? I believe most would want their children to feel an inner-security that allows them to explore their wonderful lives, and the world around them. I believe that parents want their children to be happy, yet for children to be happy, they have to be allowed to be themselves, and not a replica of the parent. I believe that parents want their children to be healthy, so that they can enjoy life. I believe a lot of things, and I believe that parents mean well. However, when we do not know how to balance life, and nurture ourselves, how can we then teach our children their right in this world, and what they are worth? It's all on the inside, folks. It doesn't matter how well they play football, or how many instruments they master. If they don't know how to create their own inner well-being and happiness, it doesn't mean squat. Children find it difficult to develop in a healthy manner, if they are worried about all of those fearful things that they have learned to fear. Get it? In addition, I believe that trying to be super-parents that do more than the others at school and sporting functions only serves to satisfy our own egos. I do not believe that it impresses our children, for it takes other qualities to impress children.

We mean well as parents, but we use more time preparing them for danger and challenges, then we use to teach them to shine and love life! When we parents put our own preferences aside, sit down, and get to know WHO are children really are, and that which really inspires them, then we take a huge giant step forward. We can feel that they should be doing certain things, and they may do them, but that doesn't mean that it's right. It just means that they are doing that which we have taught them is the correct ways of doing things. We need to start asking our children for more advice and suggestions, and encourage them to become self-thinkers. We need to engage ourselves in that which inspires them. For example, if you have a child that is a little environmentalist, jump in, and learn together with them! Join them from their shoes, their perspective, and their independent thinking. Get to know them, learn from them, and enjoy watching them grow into happy individuals that WILL actually survive just fine without the fear, because they know who they are, and they feel a sense of high self-worth, and know that they have something to contribute to this world.


~

You can read more about Tamera Daun or feel free to contact her

Pentad. Simplifying Life and Love

www.pentad.no

pentads.blogspot.com (my active blog where I do most of my daily work)

e-mail:
tamera at pentad.no
Absolute Bliss, and other e-books and articles at:

www.pentad.no (downloadable format)
www.trafford.com
www.amazon.com